I must say that having children is scary. From the moment you realize you are pregnant with them you are constantly concerned with their well being and safety. You want to give them the best; the best possible start to the life ahead of them. The best nutrition, education, friends and family life you possibly can and all of these things require decisions on your part. There are so many decisions, every day, that sometimes it can be overwhelming and I become fearful that I am making the wrong choices for my family. How do I know that my choices will not be fatal? That one day it will cause one of my children to have an unnecessary death, either physically or spiritually? This has been on my mind for a while now and I am realizing I am living my life in a spirit of fear. While it is good to be cautious and watchful I do not want to let fear be my driving force for my life and the life of my family. Where is my faith?
Faith has never been a strong point for me. It has always been a struggle to believe that God will do what has said. I have seen God do amazing things in our life and I know He is capable, I suppose I feel like maybe asking for all the big and little things all the time is too much. Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you.
I guess a revelation hit me this past week while I was experiencing a difficult trial with one of my children. I was praying for wisdom, clutching my child tight to my chest when I felt a gentle whisper in the quiet tension that pervaded the air. "That is my child" is all it said. I stopped rocking and thought about the meaning of what I had just heard. This child did belong to the Lord, it was not solely mine, I just am entrusted to them for a short time but they are always His. He loves them more than I ever could and He knows what plans He has for them in the future. It is normally hard for me to let someone else take over but this time I was covered in a wave of peace and released the tight grasp on my little one as the Comforter covered us both in that moment.
It seemed like I needed affirmation this week because in our progress of reading through the Bible we were in the story of Moses. His mother was in a bad situation, she was pregnant and gave birth to a boy in a time when the government was trying to eliminate all males of Israel nationality. I am sure as she realized she could no longer conceal him she had that moment with the Holy Spirit where she realized that Moses was not just her child he was the Lord's and she was going to give him back into the Lord's hands. She let Moses go into the Nile. I have never been to Egypt but I have heard from those who have that the Nile is dirty, full of rapids, crocodiles and big fish live in there as well. That was a moment of big faith. The beautiful thing is that in her giving her son into the capable hands of the Lord He gave her son back to her for a little longer and spared his life.
The Lord is so good. He doesn't always choose to give the child back but His way is better and we just have to trust in the plans He has for us. We can't always see or understand what is happening in our lives, but when we cast our cares on Him those cares somehow loose their power over us and peace comes to stay. Rest in His peace and Trust in His plans. Follow the instructions in His love letter and watch the beauty of the glory of the Lord unfold in your life. It is so much better than doing it on our own!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
The Farmer in the Dell